Utterly Mad
by WitchOfDarkness13
Summary: The day in which one Sirius Orion Black and one Remus John Lupin scare all of Hogwarts, a group of Aurors, and a couple of Healers before breakfast. Inspired by "They're Coming to Take Me Away" by Dr. Demento.


It was a seemingly normal day. At least, that's what the residents of Hogwarts were hoping for. A nice, normal, un-crazy day. A day where they didn't worry about their sanity breaking. Because half of the Marauders were causing them all to lose that very sanity.

Yes, you read that right. Half of the Marauders. Remus Lupin and Sirius Black to be precise. When they had been asked about it by Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore, the two Marauders had tweaked the teacher's noses and run away laughing. James Potter and Peter Pettigrew had no explanation for it. In fact, those two were just as worried as the rest of the school.

"Do you see them?" Peter asks.

James shakes his head and sighs in relief. The last week had been hell. There was a reason that Sirius and Remus often thought of some brilliant pranks, both of them had twisted minds in a way, but James had never seen them so…unhinged before.

"Come on, I think it'll be safe to go to breakfast," James says. The two semi-sane marauders, for what marauder is ever sane, enter the Great Hall to see Healers, and a couple of Aurors, at the Head Table.

"Think they're here for Remus and Sirius?" Peter asks.

James nods. A moment later, the music starts. Looking at each other, the two boys quickly run to the Gryffindor table and wait behind it. Some of the seventh years close the doors to the Great Hall while Professor Dumbledore stands up and watches said doors with curiosity, caution, and quite a bit of apprehension.

The door slams open, revealing Sirius and Remus. Sirius is in an obnoxious purple vest with black pants, dress shirt, shoes, gloves and a top hat with a purple sash tied round the upper part. Remus is dressed in the same attire, but his clothes are white where Sirius's are black and a bright cobalt blue where the purple is.

"Oh dear Merlin," Peter mutters, "We are doomed."

The boys walked to stand at opposite ends of the hall from each other and after a couple of moments, the benches at the tables had changed into individual chairs. Shrieks of surprise were heard when said chairs lifted into the air.

_"Remember when you ran away, and I got on my knees and begged you not to leave because I'd go berserk? Well…"_

Padfoot waved his wand and changed the attire of the room. The girls were placed into dresses that were a pastel color of their house while the boys were placed into suits with various ties, which were also the pastel color of their house.

_"You left me anyhow and then the days got worse and worse and now you see I've gone completely out of my mind! And…"_

Remus flicks his wand and streams of multi-colored liquid starts to come from the pumpkin juice pitchers and goblets. The silverware starts to dance along the tables while the plates begin to juggle themselves.

_"They're coming to take me away! Ha ha! They're coming to take me away! Ho ho, he he, ha haaa! To the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time, and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in those clean white coats! They're coming to take me away! Ha Haaa!"_

James pales when he hears how…unhinged Sirius sounds. Something has happened. Was it a prank? Was it a spell? Has he finally cracked from whatever it is that bothers him?

Remus gives a gentle smile, his eyes dancing with madness, "You thought it was a joke and so you laughed, you laughed when I had said losing you would make me flip my lid. RIGHT?"

"Remus! Sirius! Enough with the craziness!" Peter shouts, "You need help!"

Remus merely flips his wand at Peter, causing the boy to appear in a white rabbit suit. He was also wearing a waist coat with a gold pocket watch. The boy jumps off his chair and starts running around the room.

"HEEEEEEEEEELP!" he cries.

"You know you laughed! I heard you laugh! You laughed you laughed and laughed and then you left, but now you know I'm utterly mad! And!"

The teachers are forced into various outfits, ranging from a full hoop dress that is bright red and white and black with red hearts all over it, Dumbledore, to a leprechaun, Slughorn, and even a female Viking, McGonagall.

"They're coming to take me away! Ha ha! They're coming to take me away, ho ho, he he, ha haaa! To the happy home, with trees and flowers and chirping birds, and basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes and they're coming to take me away! Ha Haaaa!"

The chairs they're sitting in start to waltz around the room. Colored streamer erupt from various points in the room. The Aurors and Healers were paired up and started to waltz around the room. The floor where they step turns multi-colored, like paint splattered on the floor.

"_I cooked your food. I cleaned your house. And this is how you pay me back for all my kind unselfish loving deeds? HUH?"_

"POTTER!" Snape yells, "Control those two!"

Before James can respond, Sirius flicks his wand at Snape. The Slytherin's robes are turned into a blue dress with a white petty coat, stockings, and apron. His shoes are turned into Mary-Janes and a black headband placed into his hair, which had been turned blonde. He then starts to skip through the Great Hall, taking the opposite direction of Peter, who was still running around checking his pocket watch.

"Well you just wait. They'll find you yet. And when they do they'll put you in the ASPCA you mangy MUTT! And…."

Lily stands and aims stunning spells at both of the Marauders.

"Lily, don't!" James shouts.

At that moment, Sirius and Remus aim at both James and Lily, flicking their wands in intricate patterns. This changes James's robes into the Joker from a Muggle deck of cards, holding a spear, and Lily is placed into a purple cat costume and hoisted into a tree that appears out of nowhere.

"_They're coming to take me away! Ha ha! They're coming to take me away! Ho ho, he he, ha haaa! To the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time, and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in those clean white coats! They're coming to take me away! Ha Haaa!"_

By this time, there are giant cups of tea dancing around the hall. None of the liquid inside them slashes out though, keeping the Aurors and Healers, who must surely be dizzy by now, safe from being scalded.

"To the happy home, with trees and flowers and chirping birds, and basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes and they're coming to take me away! Ha Haaaa!"

At this point, the pair stand in the center of the room, back to back, their wands pointed away from them. With a swish of their wands, the room returns to normal, setting those who are floating down gently and reversing any of the transfiguration that had happened. They then link arms and start skipping down the aisle.

"_To the funny farm! Where life is beautiful all the time, and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats!..."_

James stares at where his two friends had left, his eyes wide and his skin pale. He didn't know what to do about that. He had no idea what had brought around that extremely short terrifyingly brilliantly complex prank.

A few minutes later, Sirius and Remus, in normal muggle clothes, walk into the Great Hall. The room turns silent for a moment before someone screams and it's a stampede out of the room. The two jump out of the way of the students and after nearly everyone had left walk over to the Gryffindor table, blinking.

"You know," Sirius says, grabbing a bagel, "the whole school is acting weird."

Remus nods, "Agreed. The whole lot of them have gone completely and utterly mad."

_Mischief Managed_


End file.
